True Stuff that I Made Up
PLEASE NOTE: The entries which are published at this site are solely my personal and sometimes whimsical musings. For information regarding my political positions and proposals, please visit www.LarryKump.us.
Further, this website is devoutly dedicated to all of my friends and associates, both early and late, who have mentored and influenced me. However, being who they are, the majority of them have been late most of the time.
Also, check out my personal entry at Mormon.org.
- Name: Larry D. Kump
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
The Bible explained by Children
1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
2. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.
3. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.
4.THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS
5. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.
6. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.
7. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.
8. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
9. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.
10. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.
11. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.
12. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU.
13. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.
14. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
15. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.
16. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
17. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Preserving Our Freedom to Choose
"Ensign" and "Liahona" magazines), his words reminded me of some other voices, many of whom are in positions of government and civic leadership.
Accordingly and in response to those who have asked me why I finally agreed to be a candidate for and then serve as a member of the West Virginia Legislature (House of Delegates District # 52, portions of Berkeley and Morgan counties in the Eastern Panhandle), it was and is, for me, a political and personal choice that is part and parcel of the essence of my faith in God and and the importance of His gift of choice (agency) to all of us.
Former LDS Church President David O. McKay, in speaking of our sacred right of personal choice, once pointed out that, "next to the bestowal of life itself, the right to direct that life is God's greatest gift to man.".
For me, this also especially is true when well intentioned others attempt to force laws and regulations upon us that they feel are "in our best interests" (as they define them).
Making correct and moral choices is vital to our personal and family welfare, both here and now as well as throughout eternity, but those choices must be ours to make and not be imposed upon us by others, regardless of their good intentions.
Footnote: For me, much of our freedom of choice is embodied in the Bill of Rights of our United States Constitution, with special note of the Tenth Amendment. More information about my political positions and philosophy is available at www.LarryKump.us.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
from "Aurora Leigh"
The rest sit around it and pluck blackberries."
-Elizabeth Barrett Browning
Friday, December 03, 2010
Sleeping with Larry
The first guy slept with Larry and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "What happened to you?" He said, "Larry snored so loudly that I just sat up and watched him all night."
The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing: hair all standing up and eyes all bloodshot. They said, "What happened to you? You look awful!" He said, " Larry shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."
The third night was Mark's turn. Mark was a tanned, older cowboy in his sixties, a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it. They said, "What happened?"
Mark said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Larry into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. Larry sat up and watched me all night."