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Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Roy "Goober" Gilleo: My Wal*Mart Hero!

Mrs. Gilleo insists that Mr. Gilleo go with her to Wal*Mart, but he gets easily bored.
He prefers to get in and get out, but she loves to browse.
Here's a letter sent to Mrs. Gilleo from the store manager:

Dear Mrs. Gilleo,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior, and may be forced to ban both of you from our stores.
We have documented all of these incidents on our video surveillance.
All of the complaints against Mr. Gilleo are documented as follows:

1. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at five minute intervals.
2. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
restrooms.
3. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, "Code 3 in Housewares!".
4. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
5. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
6. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in, but only if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
7. September 23: When clerks ask if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?".
8. October 4: Looked right up at the security camera, used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
9. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where he could find the antidepressants.
10. December 3: Darted around the store loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
11. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and, when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!".
13. December 19: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!".

And the last straw ...

14. December 20: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a few minutes, then yelled very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!".

Sincerely,
Mr. Joe Bagadonuts
Wal*Mart Store Manager

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