True Stuff that I Made Up

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Sunday, January 25, 2009

How Our Government Works...

A rancher named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California, when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie; leans out the window and asks the rancher, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"
Bud looks at the man, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not"'
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
He then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored.
He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and then turns to the rancher and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's the right number, so you can take one of my herd", says Bud.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with much amusement as the young man stuffs the protesting animal into the trunk of his car.
Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my animal?".
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
'You're an executive employee of the Government", says Bud.
"Wow! That's correct", says the bureaucrat, "but how did you guess that?".
"No guessing required", answered Bud.
"You showed up here, even though nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew and to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are, and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep.
Now give me back my dog!"

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