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Tuesday, March 24, 2015

My Trip to Food Lion

Yesterday, I was at my local Food Lion buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal friend, Joe Bagadonuts (the Wonder Dog), and was in the check-out line when the lady behind me asked if I had a dog.
So, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, but again was starting the Purina Diet. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital the last time I was on this diet. Even so, I'd previously lost 50 pounds, before I awakened in an intensive care hospital ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was a wonderful weight loss diet. The way that it works is: load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.

 (By this time, everyone else in line was listening intently to my story.)

 Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because of the dog food.

I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.

Food Lion won't let me shop there anymore.


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