True Stuff that I Made Up

PLEASE NOTE: The entries which are published at this site are solely my personal and sometimes whimsical musings. For information regarding my political positions and proposals, please visit www.LarryKump.us.

Further, this website is devoutly dedicated to all of my friends and associates, both early and late, who have mentored and influenced me. However, being who they are, the majority of them have been late most of the time.

  Also, check out my personal entry at Mormon.org.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

My Trip to Food Lion

Yesterday, I was at my local Food Lion buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal friend, Joe Bagadonuts (the Wonder Dog), and was in the check-out line when the lady behind me asked if I had a dog.
 
So, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, but again was starting the Purina Diet. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital the last time I was on this diet. Even so, I'd previously lost 50 pounds, before I awakened in an intensive care hospital ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
 
I told her that it was a wonderful weight loss diet. The way that it works is: load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.




 (By this time, everyone else in line was listening intently to my story.)


 Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because of the dog food.

I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.

Food Lion won't let me shop there anymore.

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