True Stuff that I Made Up

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Monday, June 22, 2009

Confessions of a Curmudgeon

The doormat at my front doorstep plainly and proudly proclaims:

"Go Away!".
On the door itself is a small engraved notice that reads:

Uninvited visitors will be ignored, abused, or prosecuted.
Persistent trespassers will be shot.
Survivors will be shot again.
Call (304) 274-3104 and leave a message to request an invitation.

Good Grief! After all, I'm in "the book", and shouldn't common courtesy persuade most folks not to unilaterally impose themselves on the domestic tranquility of others, and doesn't even the Preamble of the Constitution of these United States agree that all of us have the right to "insure (our own) domestic tranquility"?

In any case, just below my not so subtle proclamation, I then drafted and displayed a much more poetic version:

Whoever comes to visit here,
From Road that's right, from Quest that's clear,
Think not to come without prior pass,
Nor veil your mission, or your task.
Look not to enter, nor gain a way,
Past this Warden of the way.
These words were wrought, this warning trumped,
By Larry, who is son of Kump.

Even so, all of the above apparently still was far too subtle, as evidenced by the clueless cretin who pounded fruitlessly on my door last Sunday.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

You should be nicer to your Bishop.

9:55 AM  

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