To Die For?

Larry,

A very old man lay dying on his bed. Suddenly, he smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookie, wafting up the stairs. He gathered up his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and, with an even greater effort, struggled down the stairs. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame and gazed into the kitchen.

Amazed, he thought perhaps that he already was in Heaven. Spread out on newspapers on the kitchen table were hundreds of his favorite and just baked chocolate chip cookies. Was this Heaven? Or, was this one final act of love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

He staggered toward the table. His shaking hand made its way to clutch one of those wonderful cookies, when he was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.

"Stay out of those!", she said. "They're for the funeral."

Dave ;)

Larry's Response to Dave: "I'm planning on serving snickerdoodles at my funeral, and inviting all my diabetic friends."

Kump Persuaded to be Legislative Candidate

Falling Waters, WV - Republican leaders persuaded Larry D. Kump of Falling Waters, West Virginia of his strengths to be a candidate for election to the West Virginia House of Delegates District #52 (Northwest Berkeley County and a small section of Eastern Morgan County).

Mr. Kump agreed to give up his early retirement, making a further sacrifice of time and personal privacy to continue his thirty-eight years of public service in order to represent West Virginia taxpayers; especially weary working families, encumbered elderly, and struggling single parents; who all bust a gut every day to make their diminishing financial ends meet.

An advocate of fiscal restraint, with proven budgetary reform and legislative drafting expertise, Mr. Kump proposes a restructuring of West Virginia's taxes and the elimination of personal property taxes on family vehicles as well as taxes on groceries and home heating fuels.

On another tax issue, Mr. Kump further points out that many local residents purchase cheaper gasoline in Maryland and Virginia, thus depriving West Virginia of needed tax revenue and which also demonstrates the need for a reduction and restructuring of West Virginia gasoline taxes.

A fierce proponent of common sense health insurance reform, the former public sector labor leader proposes that a good first step would be to mend (tort reform) West Virginia's own exorbitant Medical Malpractice rates, which results in an exodus of qualified doctors from West Virginia and higher medical expenses for all of us.

Considering himself an independent Republican who sees himself as a libertarian/populist, this former CEO, professional arbitrator, certified mediator, expert court witness, training facilitator, cognitive behavior mentor, sex offender therapist, university guest lecturer, and critical incident stress manager looks forward to working with other legislators to enhance family preservation incentives and protect individual rights.

This previous assistant to the Republican Leader of the Pennsylvania State Senate has further pledged to push for American Constitutional Rights to be reserved only for American citizens, and not for expatriate terrorists.

Mr. Kump is a kinsman to both founding father Patrick Henry and former West Virginia Governor Herman Guy Kump (1932 term).

The proud father of David & Sarah, Mr. Kump is an award winning graduate of Hagerstown Community College, Frostburg State University, and the Maryland Correctional Professional Staff Academy.

Mr. Kump is a member of the Hedgesville, West Virginia Ward (congregation) of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS Church).

Contact Mr. Kump at (304) 274-3104 for more information.

One of Many Previous & Persuasive Pleas

Larry:
As one who is quite familiar with your political views and ability to express them, I urge you to prayerfully consider the appeal of party leaders to you to run for office, providing the rigors of travel to Charleston will not be too much for you physically.

You are known in our community as one who does not cave easily to pressure, even when your views are contrary to the majority.

We dearly need such representation in our West Virginia Legislature.
This is very likely a case where the call of God and the call of man are one and the same.

I urge you in the strongest possible terms to make the sacrifices called for in order for you to become an agent of positive change for the people of West Virginia and the Eastern Panhandle.

Sincerely,
Ed Wilson

Personal Sidebar Addendum from Larry: This good and devout Roman Catholic friend even has since gone so far as to petition a patron saint on my behalf. He and others like him have touched my innermost soul.

Bar Stool Economics

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all
ten comes to $100.
If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:
The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.
So, that's what they decided to do.
The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve.
"Since you are all such good customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20."
Drinks for the ten now cost just $80.
The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free.
But what about the other six men - the paying customers?
How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?'
They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33.
But, if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer.
So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.
And so:
The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings).
The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).
Each of the six was better off than before, and the first four continued to drink for free.
But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.
"I only got a dollar out of the $20,"declared the sixth man.
He pointed to the tenth man, " but he got $10!"
"Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a
dollar, too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than I did!"

"That's true!!" shouted the seventh man:Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!"

"Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison: "We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!"
The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.
The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him.
But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important: They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!
And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works.
The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction.
Tax them too much, or attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore.
In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

A Lesson from a Frog

Two little frogs were on their merry way to the big frog hoe-down. While they were traveling along the rutted road, they slipped and fell into one of those deep ruts.
After exerting all of his strength, the bigger of the two frogs was able to jump out of the rut; but, try as he might, the smaller frog just wasn't strong enough to escape.
Finally, the little frog told his friend to go to the hoe-down without him... and he did.

However, hours later, his froggy friend was amazed to see the very tired little frog walk into the frog dance hall.

"How did you manage to get out of that rut?", he asked.

The little frog simply replied: "A truck came along. I had to!".

And so it goes for each of us........

Four Powerful Principles

XXXX,
Our last confidential exchange of emails over the weekend and today prompted me to reexamine some of my own forthcoming decisions about a number of issues.
I appreciate the sharing of your own reality check with me, which then led to that further reflection of my personal choices.
My LDS faith teaches me many things, which include four powerful principles:

*Never give up on what you know is true.
*There always is a choice.
*That choice belongs solely to you and nobody else.
*Never allow others to make your personal choices for you.

And so it goes.

Larry

Postscript: "...you gotta do what you think is right. That's all God ever asks of a man..."

- from "Final Impact", by John Birmingham

An Ice Cream Civics Lesson

The most eye-opening civics lesson I ever learned was while teaching the third grade.
The Presidential election was heating up, and some of the children were showing an interest.
I decided that having an election for a class president would be a good teaching tool.
The students would choose the nominees.
The nominees would make a campaign speech, and the class would vote.
There were many nominations, and Jamie and Olivia were picked as finalists by the class.
Both candidates were good kids.
The day arrived for the candidates to make their speeches.
Jamie went first.
He had specific ideas about how to make our class a better place, and ended by promising to do his very best.
Everyone applauded and he sat down.
Then Olivia spoke.
Her speech was concise.
She said, "If you will vote for me, I will give everybody ice cream."
She sat down.
The class went wild, screaming, "Yes! Yes! We want ice cream!".
She didn't say anything more.
She didn't have to.
A discussion followed.
How did she plan to pay for the ice cream?
Olivia didn't know.
Would her parents buy it or would the class pay for it?
Olivia didn't know.
The class really didn't care.
They just wanted ice cream.
Jamie was forgotten.
Olivia won by a landslide.
Elections are like that.

-Contributed anonymously by a Grade School Teacher

Legislative News

During my previous career, when I spent eleven years as the Executive Director and Chief Legislative Lobbyist/Media Director for the Indiana State Employees Association (ISEA), there were some curious developments.
One year, Representatives Delmar Auer (D) and William Long (R) teamed up to co-author a complex and lengthy legislative budget bill for the Indiana House Ways & Means Committee.
Immediately some Indiana Statehouse wags gleefully pointed out that it truly was the "Auer-Long" bill.

Making Choices

A good ol' boy was in his boat fishing, when a voice said, "Pick me up!".
Looking around, he didn't see anyone.
He shrugged it off as a daydream, but then he heard the voice say again and louder, "Pick me up!".
This time, he looked down in the water and saw a frog.
Startled, he asked the frog, "Are you talking to me?".
The frog replied, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up, kiss me, and I'll turn into a beautiful woman. All your friends will be envious and I will become your bride!".
The man looked at the frog and considered the proposal.
Then, he reached over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The indignant frog protested, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear me? Kiss me, and I will become your beautiful bride!".
Whereupon, the man opened his pocket, looked down at the frog, and told him, "I'd rather just have a talking frog.".

Barbara Ann & "The Beach Boys"

Yesterday, I submitted an LDS Temple proxy ordinance request for Barbara Ann Kump.
Barbara is the daughter of my Dad's brother, Uncle Harold "Curly" Kump, and she grew up in the Los Angeles suburbs.
She was a California beauty pageant queen and dated Brian Wilson of "The Beach Boys". He wrote "Barbara Ann" while he was courting her.
Barb wasn't LDS, nor is the rest of her family.
She died suddenly and unexpectedly, after we visited together at a family reunion, over a year ago, and I was pleased to submit her Temple work today.

My New Lady Love (I'm so excited!)

Recently, while I was out dining alone, there was this really gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table.
Frankly, I had been checking her out since I first noticed her, but just couldn't find the nerve to introduce myself.
Suddenly, she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket, coming right at me.
In a reflex reaction, I grab it out of the air, and hand it back to her.
"Oh my , I am so sorry! ", she apologizes to me, as she pops her eye back into place.
She then offers to buy my dinner to make it up to me.
So, we enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards even go take in a movie together.
We talk, we laugh, and we share our deepest dreams with each other.
We had a wonderful, wonderful time.
I truly was amazed at how quickly we were so much in harmony.
I then confessed to her that she is the personification of the perfect woman, and asked her if she has this effect on all men.
"No", she replied...
"You just happened to catch my eye!"


Postscript: My friend Ward Clem asked me if apples were served during our meal, and if that is why she now is the "Apple of my eye"?

Keeping Warm on New Year's Day

My heat here at home sputtered out around 2:00 A M this New Year's morning. but, fortunately, I have two alternative back up heating systems.
The folks who regularly refill my fuel tank somehow simply forgot to make the automatic fuel delivery, and I didn't notice until the heat went kaput.
I telephoned them a few minutes ago, and told their answering service that Monday morning would be soon enough to refill the tank.
My back-up home heating systems work just fine, and there's no need to roust out their delivery men during this holiday weekend.
Following LDS Church counsel on "Emergency Preparedness" really does pay off.